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I wear my wedding ring on my middle finger.

The F-Word

Would this woman think I was asking for a date?

Michael David Crawford
January 8, 2007

There is a woman who works in a business I frequent who seems to want to get to know me better. I think she's very nice, and would like to be her friend. However, I don't think she's aware that I'm married. I'm not really sure, but I have the sense that she would like to be more than a friend.

I don't really know though.

My question for Kuro5hin is, how can I gracefully tell this woman that I'm married, but that I would still like to get to know her? Whenever I contemplate this question, I envision her getting really upset and telling me I'm an asshole. I worry that she will think I'm proposing having an affair.

I already consulted one expert: I asked my wife.

Now, I do wear a wedding ring. It is one of the Celtic rings made by Point Reyes Jeweler. But I have lost a lot of weight since Bonita and I were wed. My ring fits so loosely on my ring finger that I wear it on my middle finger instead. I didn't want to get it resized because that would disrupt its continuous Celtic knot pattern.

That, and the fact that I never appear in the company of a woman might have lead her to believe I'm single. But I am married - it's just that my wife remained behind in Nova Scotia when I moved to Vancouver BC to work.

When I asked Bonita about this, she was surprised I had any hesitation at all. I said "I'd like to ask her to have coffee or lunch, without it seeming like I'm asking for a date." To which she replied, "If a woman asked you out for coffee, would you think it was a date?"

I said "If a hundred women asked a hundred men to have coffee, ninety nine of the men would think they were being asked out on a date." No doubt such misunderstandings are the cause of much grief.

I have been on the receiving end of The F-Word on quite a few occasions, and every time it broke my heart. I hate the thought of disappointing anyone, but I am still very much in love with, and committed to My Bonita.

What's This?

Read this essay online or reprint it at:
http://www.vancouverdiaries.com/friend.html

This is a chapter from The Vancouver Diaries:
http://www.vancouverdiaries.com